都还好吗

久违了。

你是否一切安好？

我不好，一点都不好。

以前的自己丢失了，现在的我很陌生。

我把一切当成苦难磨练去经历，发誓要越挫越勇。

却忘了自己也是凡夫俗子，血肉之躯。

心被折磨得遍体鳞伤，很累。

只许州官放火，不许百姓点灯，此刻我已能深刻了解。

为何一再让她伤害？筑起的心墙，渐渐被攻陷。

我不允许，却无能为力。

心智不够强，定力不够状。

每天每周一如既往的重复该做的事，必须做的事。

我已忘了上次平静无忧无虑喝茶的日子。

估计一个拥抱我就泪崩了。

一句温柔的问候我崩溃了。

我在扛。不言败。

只是，我累了。。。

Birthday Celebration

"Happy Birthday"

Mark the date~

 -Unknown Date-

Tien dated me out for coffee break saying she was very boring at home

Well she just finished her exam and I was just started my study break

For no reason I just agree (because she is Tien =D)

Brought me to Fishee Coffee which is located near from IMU

*indeed very near*

Totally amazed by its design and environment

I love it~ I going to design my coffee shop like that if I owned one hahaha xD

Ordered their caffe latte, Fishee ball and Sweetie Fruitie Waffle (forgot the name again!)

Fishee Ball

Their signature Fishee Ball cake in their Fishee logo~

Look like an octopus nope?

Its a cheesecake coated in dark chocolate on Orea base

I personally recommend for those all cheesecake lovers!

Waffle~

I like their waffle! 

I am not a waffle lover but it tastes delicious for me. 

Never try The Owls Cafe waffles so I cant do any comparison

Personally I like Fishee coffee than The Owls

because of their quiet environment, very comfortable and I just feel wanted to stay for whole afternoon.

Second is because I prefer their coffee than The Owls.

Would be better if they provided more options on food and cakes =)

epilogue: I saw quite many leng zai here~ hahaha... but this is not the reason I prefer Fishee than The Owls k!

                       

Their environment really good for shooting..

We both find that this pic has Sakura feel~

haha because of the flower..

Anyway thanks for bringing out for coffee break! I love you! 

-5 June 2015-

Honestly, I knew what is going to happen when Ah-Shu jio me out for lunch

Hehehe~ 

Well... I kinda smart okay...

Because is her first time jio-ing me out, of course I agree without hesitation.

Too bad Ah Jing cannot join us..

She at Batu Pahat =(

I feel bad when our conversation just continued

I wished she can turn up for today's lunch

So I picked this girl up at 1pm from her house.

I wondering why her "brother" waved so happily to me

Then I realized it was Jing!!

Hahahaha~ 

So can you imagine?

During the yesterday group chatting (we three)

I say: Ah Jing at BP le~

I say: Maybe she (Jing) is buying ticket to come to KL. 

(when she disappear)

Jing say: Cannot. My mummy not allow.

Ah-Shu: *crying face*

Can you imagine my disappointed face???
Okay la not really... Hahaha

Because is our study break

I won't blame her if she cannot make it (some more she says her mummy not allow)

So I just discussed with Ah-Shu happily lo~

Hahaha..

I did guessing Jing will come to KL in the morning

because she didn't text us saying anything..

*I was imagine she is taking bus to kl and she has no data*

Who knows she calls me around 12pm~

saying I called her first!

(I do not what has happened actually. She says I called her but I didn't. Whatsapp problem perhaps?)

And she never mentioned anything about lunch..

I mean at least wish me Happy Lunch or whatever~

Now I recall back if she called me at Ah-Shu's house.....

OMG~~ I cannot imagine...

They two sure laughing like LOL there...

So anyway, we headed to Photographee Coffee Cafe at Puchong

Mocha~

 Their food and beverages not bad. Worth for next visit.

Just that I hope they can increase their food options. 

And I had Chocolate Banana, Tiramisu and Red Velvet from Secret Recipe.

I thought they really bought me Durian Cake.

My face just can't stop showing my shocking expression.

Hahaha~ 

Good acting skill Ah-Shu~

And they insisted to put the lovely candles to make my cakes look more lovely~

Me and my cakes

I wish someone can remind me my hair~

So ugly~ but I still look okay right?

Hehehe..

Indeed I was very happy..

I couldn't help laughing like a crazy girl

but my mouth just keep telling them "en" "I knew it"...

Hahaha~ 

I really really happy until my dopamine level increase like a rocket

which make me can't focus on study for whole night..

Hahaha~ 

So now you two know how happy I was? 

Thank you Ah-Shu and Jing for the lovely surprise and lunch treat~ 

I really feel touching! *touching face*

please imagine yourself~ 

Oh! and my Polaroid..

You two have added more colors to my life~ 

I love you~ 

-6 June 2015-

Usual day~ 

No celebration as parents have dinner

Only me and bros staying home.

Sakai surprised me by dropping by around 4pm with a cake!

Hehehe~

then we had gossip with Vivian~

and this lady keep asking why I am single etc etc etc..

Have no idea since when she upgrade to grandma~

Hahaha xD

We went Piccolo for dinner

And a real surprise came!

Tien and Sim Yee appeared with Tiramisu cake!

I totally surprised by their attendance and surprise

They pakat with my Bro Bob

Hehehe~ 

Thank you so much for the surprise!!

I still love it although it's abit embarrassed! 

I love you~ <

Mr. Bunny

Lastly, let's my new friend do the ending post~

"Happy Birthday"

I thought I was happy.
Ya.. Sometimes.
But most of the day, I am not.
I hate birthday! 
Not anticipating for birthday anymore.
There's a scar and who can heal it? 

蝙蝠：思念

思念，的确是很玄的东西。
如影随行。
你不想念吗？心底的深处呢？

从来没有想过，痞子蔡的《蝙蝠》发生在我身上。
万般的不舍，期望换回你的自由，释怀，安乐。

不要执著了~ 放手随风去吧。
说再见，一定会再见的！

Today's Quote:

It's hard to say goodbye!

But we will meet up one day!

::..HELLO 2015..::

:..3 January 2015..:

Supposed to post this on the first day of 2015 nope?

Haha~ Kit failed to find the mood of blogging afraid of bad mood will affect the contents

So ya~ it's always better to do something in a good mood 

Keep silence when you're in anger; don't promise when you're upset =)

Shall I start with 2014 review? Hmm... Wondering who is actually reading my blog

Assume there's no one reading? Hahaha 

So I'm gonna write anything I wish =D

TOP 10 HAPPY EVENTS IN 2014

1. Kuching trip with lovely Ah-Shu in February. Finally managed to have a vacation with uni-mates. A precious memories and time spent with Ah-Shu at Kuching. Managed to get myself a camera a day before =) 
2. Had an interview with Dr.Diana, a great psychologist who owns an amazing and well-adapted office. Amazed by her room once I stepped in. Tools for art therapy, child therapy etc is just too fascinating! A talk with her is totally worth for the hard work paid before (ignore the efforts of searching for therapists and called/emailed them 1 by 1) 
3. Attended to IMU ball as a photographer with my girls -- Ah-Shu and Aji. Being first time attend to ball night although it wasn't my prom night. Shall I go next time? Well it depends.
4. A farewell party and Teacher Day celebration for PS211 and all psychology lecturers. A really simple celebration which I personally thinking. Yet seniors' response tell me that I'm wrong. They touched by our efforts and thoughts! Was actually busy for thesis and other assignments and this celebration. Had not enough time for video-making until the day morning. Ended-up I made a careless mistake in the video, yet it became a point for laughter and fun. Glad that everyone enjoyed on that day.  
5. An advanced birthday surprise from PS212-- my lovely cohort. **the post about this still saved in draft lol** Everyone looked so normal as usual. Can't sense nervousness from Aji Hahaha~ Cheated by QS to library to wait for Ms.Sam. Suspect at first because Ms.Sam seldom ask us to meet her in library especially in collaborative study area. But the thought just flash in mind for 2 seconds because mind was totally occupied by "LUNCH TIME--FOOD" anyway still got hint from "someone" and ya~ mind started to suspect and puzzle up all the rare things. But still have no idea on what are they trying to do. Thank you PS212~ LOVE ya~
6. Getaway to Sunway Lagoon after eos! Yeah! First time hang out together with Diandra and Zul. Because of lacking of "partner", paired up with Ah-Shu and we became 1 day couple. Haha.. Its really fun and joy is everywhere. **until today I still don't understand how Vuvuzela looks special for my friends** LOL
7. Hang out with Tien, Wei Wei and Gordon at Wetland, Putrajaya for photography session. So warm to get back to nature and feel the sunshine. I miss photography activity like this. 
8. Sekinchan trip with parents and Bro Bryant. Had very delicious and cheap seafood lunch. **craving for crispy sotong while typing this post lol**
9. Secret Santa gift exchange with PS212. Our last year to celebrate Christmas together. So much love and caring from my lovely friends. Thank you my secret santa-- Suzie. =) and special thanks to Aji, for making me a special shoes; Many thanks to Ah-Shu for your present which shipped from oversea(?) Will make good use of it =D
10. Volunteer as a photographer for Christmas event at Paediatric unit, HKL. Felt glad that I joined this meaningful event and witness the joy, laughter we brought for them. Thank you my partner-in-crime. Again, the lovely pretty lady-- Ah-Shu. xD

Bad things? Of course there are. I not going to post them out. Perhaps the memories will fade as time goes. It's not worth to keep all these right?

Keep losing myself in 2014. Don't ask why. If I could know why, I won't lost and lost again. Lost and Found. And Lost again. Some thing I try to ignore indeed I care very much inside heart core. And all these things come from one root. Can't release myself from the trap? Ya. Look like I am tied. No matter how fast how far I run, once one pull the rope, I will be back. The more I learn, The more I see, The more I hear, The more I feel, the more I lost. Since when I perceive things in pessimism way. There're two sounds in my mind telling me "you should be sad" "you should look from different perspective and you'll be happy". Getting tired of listening to them. I finally shut them off and now I have no feeling. I put myself into numbness. Is a temporary state until I regulate don't worry. 

Sometimes I trapped into dilemma of worrying you to know yet wanting you to see. Until her words actually strike my heart, for being so long I thought no one could actually understand me. She told our friend: She (me) keep everything inside her heart. We all won't know. All she need is just to vent them out. I, really surprised and blanked at that moment. Somehow I thought no one understand me. Feel so comfortable and secure. Because there's someone who understand me? Yes.

I don't usually tell people my secrets. All stuff I shared is on the surface and not really matter for me. Those I didn't share, is really matter for me and no one will know. No one. =)

This post suddenly become a sad post. Haha~ I'm sorry. 

Let's check my 2014 wishlist. Hehehe.. Shall we? 

1. Ferris Wheel
2. Watch              CHECKED
3. Camera            CHECKED
4. Wallet              CHECKED
5. Backpack         CHECKED
6. Instax Camera
7. Pocket Watch
8. Handmade stuff

Not bad~ *hands clap* At least I got half of the list. Hahaha~ Some is present some I bought myself. Many thanks to those who gift. Shall renew my 2015 wishlist~ Let's check next year =3

Words for 2015(?) Hmm~ what should I say... ...

Dear 2015,

2014 marks an unhappy year for me. Of course I will ask you please be good to me. I know this is a wish, not demand. I will work hard for a happy year, happy me. I gain some lessons from your brother, 2014. It's not a bad thing for him to teach me, just that the messages he gave somehow make me confuse, have no idea what should I do. Yeah, He gave me a lot of hard times, for me to see through some people, understand some things. I really tired of doing something. Feel wanna give up on doing yet I keep telling myself "let try 1 more time". The result is disappointed. I tired of being disappointed. Maybe I shall listen to him, give up and stop trying anymore. I tried before, the progress is just so unnoticeable and no one cares. 

If you ask am I happy? I not sure. Maybe doing what I want to do now is difficult and full of challenges. Some people might notice in the half way. This time, I not going to let them to pull me back.  Bless me 2015. I will work hard for myself, live for myself. Oh yeah~ gotta find me back. Happy fool or wise sage? I want both! 

Love you~ 2015!  

Today's Quote:

Change only be better, not to please others.

#12 Don't Cry, Kit

好熟悉的感觉.

是那年压迫害怕的感觉. 是否意味现在的我压力很大? 大到超越我的负荷了? 连我自己都没发现?

你误会了我的意思。 好想向你解释清楚。 只是这委屈只能永远是个心底话。 A和B的差别很大。 你建立了,却也毁了。

对不起。我今天失控了。 今天的我不是真正的我。 我该怎么告诉你们我的歉意?

今天, 我哭了。 因为压力, 因为委屈, 因为明白, 也因为没人了解。

A familiar feeling. I might not be able to take it.
Stressed? Yes and it is more than that.
I cried today. 
Because of stress, because of grievance; 
I understand, and understand that no one will understand. 
Who cares?

Today's Quote:

The thing about feelings is that, if you cover your mouth, they'll come out from your eyes